2.17: Simon’s Travels

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There was a bright flash of light, and then a sudden darkness. Simon blinked open his eyes and looked around.

He was sitting in a giant cavern, much like the circular room he’d appeared in at first, but made of natural stone. Surrounding him on all sides were tiny houses and churches and citadels, with tiny people swarming out of their homes and waving and shouting excitedly in tiny high-pitched voices. Their clothes were complicated and ornate, their houses covered in detailed, tiny mosaics.

What had he been doing just before this? He searched his mind for the last thing he remembered. There had been an argument, there was always an argument, but he’d been sure it would work this time-


Simon (approx)
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A tiny woman shouted something at him through a megaphone. At least he thought she was a woman, she was wearing a dress and a whole amethyst crystal on her head like a crown. He stared at her blankly, and caught sight of something on his wrist – he could call Alice!

“Alice? Do you know where I am?”

“Oh, sure. You’re at your new assignment.”

“What do you mean my new assignment?”

“This one is more important, so I reassigned you. You can come back to the other one if they don’t solve it without you.”


“Ours is not to question why, ours is just to do and die.”

“That isn’t even a Hitchhiker’s Guide reference.”

“Well, you’re in the wrong book for that now, aren’t you?”

“I don’t even know what you mean.”

“Show them a card trick and try not to die. Your job is to warn them about the invasion. Have fun!”

With a scowl, Simon pulled out his deck of cards and began shuffling them. He’d known working for Alice was frustrating, but this was taking it to a whole new level. His team was back there, on that other world, and he was – he didn’t even know where he was.

There was an art to magic. It involved speedy reflexes, nimble fingers, and not having a thousand eyes focused on you with your cards being as tall as a person.

Simon heard a distinct voice yell to a friend, “Here, he’s got the card behind his hand! I seen it!”

“Everyone seen it, Joey,” retorted the friend. “You think he’s mad?”

“Has to fry your brain being that big. Why do you think he’s that big? Did he eat something wrong, like one of those little potions everyone knows not to drink?”

“Queeny’ll sort it out. That’s her job, queening.”

Simon was not incredibly sexist, but he’d recently had very firm and negative experience with a female authority figure. He eyed the stern woman in the red silk handkerchief and amethyst crown more warily. Her shouting was becoming harder and harder to understand, along the lines of ‘if you yell very fast at someone who doesn’t speak your language, they’ll definitely understand you.’

It was at this point that someone shot him with a miniature grappling gun. Simon hoped everyone else was having better luck than he was today.






The crazy, zany, and completely NOT CANON! interlude you’ve just read is part of the Serial Fiction April Fool’s Day Swap, 2015 Edition.  The mindblowing gag post you’ve just read was written by Lucy Weaver, who normally writes the story Tapestry, found at: http://www.wysteriaclimbing.com/tapestry.

Gregory Taylor,  who normally writes this story, today has created their own piece of tomfoolery for Legion of Nothing found at: http://inmydaydreams.com/.

For a full list of all our April Fool’s Swappers and their stories, as well as dozens of other serial novels that will tickle your fancy, check out The Web Fiction Guide at:


Thanks for reading and remember, the best way to support your favorite serial novelist is to tell all your friends about them.

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